The Death of Tears
by Memories Void
Summary: As she fights her final battle, Sesshoumaru's mother remembers moments between Inutaishou, Izayoi, Sesshoumaru and herself. One-shot. edited. again.


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**The Death of Tears**

By: Memories Void

Disclaimer: Characters from Inuyasha are created by Rumiko Takahashi and I'm just "borrowing," them for this fic...

Author's note: Mostly from Sesshoumaru's mother's point of view... what else? I wrote this on a whim and it's basically the memories our favorite stoic youkai's mother. The memories she experiences as she fights her last battle.

Her body: it ached all over as blood trickled freely from the many lacerations covering it. Still, the female inu-youkai did not lose control. She prided herself on her iron will and would not let it falter now. No, not even in death would she forget her pride. The situation, she knew, was hopeless. But she had never been the type to harbor hope anyways. Things would happen despite dreams and wishes and hope. People, youkai, trees and blossoms; everything living or not could only follow the red string of fate that bound them to earth and time; to existence.

There was a blinding flash of light as a massive amount of jyaki was released. She was flung backwards, felt her body collide with a tree or boulder, maybe even a wall or mountain. She didn't know, didn't even care any more. Lost as she was, blinded by pain and memories; she continued to struggle.

"_You have been chosen, daughter. You will bear Inu no Taisho an heir."_

I remember it so clearly now. Seeing him for the first time... I was surprised; his eyes were so gentle. So unlike the harsh eyes of my father, so unlike my own dead gaze. I had wanted to touch him, to trace the stripes across his cheeks and feel his skin. But I just stood there, stoic as ever.

"_Yes, father," Turning her head away from both males, she nodded and the moonlight reflected off her silver hair. It made the crescent moon upon her forehead seem to glow in the pale light. _

_The older inu-youkai scoffed, "Is that all? Are you not proud to have such a position?"_

_Still, her eyes looked away; to the west. Neither of them was worth the energy it would take her to turn her head and face them, she decided. Still, she owed her lord and father an answer._

"_Yes, father," she said obediently, "it is as you wish." _

_A snort of disgust answered her this time and there was a notable strain in his voice. Most likely he was holding himself back from striking her while in the company of his newly won ally. _

"_If you cannot thank your father properly for obtaining such an honorable place for you then leave."_

"_Yes, father." And she left, feeling her future mates' eyes upon her as she bowed and walked calmly away. _

Suddenly, she was pulled from her thoughts by a flash of heat; fire erupted from her shoulder. Looking down in a pain-induced haze she noticed a wrist. In fact, it was an entire arm protruding from just below her left collarbone. There was no helping it. She cried out when the claws were yanked out of her.

'Broken,' she thought. 'Now, I am broken.'

"_Girl, what are you doing?"_

_Startled brown eyes gazed up at her._

"_Oh, it's you Lady-"_

"_Do not prattle. Tell me what it is you are doing," The demoness interrupted._

_The girl however, seemed oblivious to the evident disdain in the other's voice. In fact, she smiled, though it turned into a frown when she held up her hands for the demoness to see._

"_A bird," was the simple, unemotional response._

"_Yes, it has a broken wing," the girl explained._

"_Izayoi, kill it," the demoness looked down sternly, her golden eyes reflecting the morning sun. The blue crescent moon was partially hidden by her silver bangs._

_Brown eyes filled with horror as the young Izayoi shook her head vehemently. _

"_I can't! I'm going to nurse it back to health!"_

That girl, she was always so odd. So soft and gentle, caring even when no one else did. Was this a trait of all humans? Or maybe just all human females? I never understood her. Never wanted to.

"_Why?" the demoness asked, "It is natural for the bird to die. Animals, humans-even youkai- die everyday. Will you save them all?"_

"_I know," the girl replied, looking down sadly at the injured creature held carefully in her hands, "I know I cannot save them all. But this bird, I can make a difference in its life. I can help those I come across, even if I am unable to help everyone. It is enough to help when I am able to."_

_With nothing else to say, she had turned away from the girl. Not understanding why something so insignificant as an injured bird mattered to the human... _

And I also wondered how something so simple as a human girl could matter to a taiyoukai... to Inutaisho.

A snarl escaped her perfectly sculpted lips as she lunged forward, her claws glowing green and filled with poison as she slashed at her enemy. But she was already so weak... could not move fast enough; could barely breath. It was a wonder that her heart still beat steadily in her chest, amazing that she could fall so deep within her memories while her life was in danger; afraid that she had already accepted the inevitable.

"_Have you no heart?"_

_Taking his hand in hers, she placed it on her chest so that he could feel the rhythmic beating there. _

"_Of course I have a heart." Despite her tender actions, her voice was harsh and cold. _

"_That's not what I meant," he said, their amber gazes clashed. But they both knew that in a battle of wills, she was always the victor. She could not lose because she refused to feel anything. Not shame, defeat or guilt. _

_As expected, he was the first to look away. Though he was as proud as her, he was also horrifyingly emotional for a youkai._

"_You mean to ask if I feel emotions." She explained in a softer, almost gentle, tone. _

_He nodded, bringing his hand back to his side._

"_Youkai do not love," she stated, already knowing his thoughts. "It is impractical. We can be lustful and we like to covet things of beauty. But that is not love. Your petty fascination with the girl-"_

"_-Izayoi," he interjected, but all she did was glare at him and continue._

"_-is unwarranted. She is human and as such, you can never truly understand her emotions."_

"_As always, you fail to understand what it is I want."_

_There was a long pause as the demoness considered his words. She was never one to act rashly._

"_I have given you a son, Inu no taisho. Was that not your desire?"_

_The demon nodded, looking down at the platinum-haired child they had, together, created. There was no mistaking them for anything but father and son. Despite the extra pair of stripes across his cheeks and the blue crescent moon inherited from his mother, Sesshoumaru resembled his sire greatly._

"_I wanted a family," he answered in a whisper. _

_At that moment she was unable to look into his eyes. Did not want to see what she knew to be so clearly written there. If they could not be a family, it was her fault she knew. For she refused to let him truly know her._

"_Such things are overrated," her voice was a calm whisper upon the breeze that gently caressed her long silver locks, "a grown demon needs no such ties."_

_Her tone softened a bit when she looked down to the child holding her hand, "Come, Sesshoumaru, it is time for your lessons." _

_Turning her back to her mate, she had made a quick departure from his presence._

Would it have been so wrong to stay with him? To embrace not just his body, but the hopes he had? Did I fail him as a mate? ...And have I failed my son, as well?

There was a sudden flash of light before her eyes that jolted her from the brink of unconsciousness. A sword; its blade catching the fading light glinted dangerously as it swung to catch her throat. With all the strength she could muster she rolled away as the blade's tip fell into the earth where her neck had been moments before.

_It was strange how she became accustomed to the human girl after a while. There were times when she wasn't even annoyed by the inferior woman's presence. She would even let her guard down slightly. _

_Like now, as they sat quietly having tea together, as they did most mornings as of late. Lying peacefully beside her, Sesshoumaru snoozed; his nose twitching as she calmly stroked his hair. It was a wonder that she felt comfortable enough to let the human girl witness such affection between her and her child. But at calm moments like these, she could almost imagine that she was someone else and that happiness was allowed to her. _

_Glancing across the table, she was struck by the seemingly sudden changes in the girl. Looking her over she noticed a lengthening of limbs, her face had lost its round, childish grace and had become gently angular. Her clumsiness had vanished as well and now she moved with a slow grace that could not be kept by a youkai, who were usually quick and instinctually impatient. _

"_Do you love him?" the sound was abrupt, shattering the still air. The question was sudden, startling the demoness, though she hid her surprise well behind her calm facial expression._

"_No," she answered simply, perhaps even truthfully. "I cannot."_

"_But you should! You live together... and have known each other for so long and you-you have a child!"_

"_What does that matter?" The demoness asked as her eyes glittered dangerously and her voice became empty. Unperturbed, the girl tried to speak._

"_It means,"_

"_Be silent. Just because you love him does not mean I must. Such emotions are beneath me," she mocked the human girl, turning her head away. _

_Oh, yes, she knew of the girls 'secret,' feelings for the demon lord, for her mate. The human only made it quite obvious in the way she looked upon the inu-youkai, and the way her cheeks brightened when he spoke to her, the breathy tone her voice took on when answering. _

_Neither did her mate's reactions to those things go unnoticed. Though she may have been lax in training her senses with her need to care for their child, her mind was still as sharp as ever. _

The only question posed to me at that time was: Did I care? It was not unnatural for men to stray from the beds of their chosen mates. This was true for both humans and demons alike. Would it have changed anything between us if Inutaisho had taken the human girl as a lover?

_Beneath her still hand, Sesshoumaru stirred, missing the soothing motions of his mother's claws brushing through his hair. Not wanting him to wake and be witness to this conversation, she once again began to pet the smooth hair of her child._

_The girl was silent now, her face colored brightly red in embarrassment. Neither of them ever spoke of it again. _

If she were to give them enough time to escape, she must pull herself together and fight. No, she would not drift quietly into nonexistence, but fight all the way. With everything she possessed-with everything in her body and heart. She gathered all sensation into herself and found a second wind as she stood and took a defensive stance across from her opponent.

_Perspiration covered their tired bodies as they lay next to each other silently. It was only during times like this, when she was spent, her body feeling lax and languid with the after effects of mating that she felt comfortable enough to let him hold her. His body was warm and solid beneath her and her silver curtain of hair fanned out across his chest. In her ear she could hear his rapidly beating heart._

I wanted to stay like that forever, to feel warm, wanted and carefree. It could have been like that every night, if I had allowed it. If only I had allowed it...

"_I care for you," he said, sliding his fingers up and down her spine. _

"_I know," she whispered; her mind would not allow her to say more. Her breeding kept her from letting out the contents of her heart. Silence was beginning to settle over them comfortably when he spoke again._

"_Do you care for me?" _

_She trembled, hearing the strain in his voice. Her pulse quickened and suddenly he had his arms wrapped tightly around her. _

_For once, she did not know how to answer. _

_For once she did not know her own mind. _

"_I..." she couldn't find any words, eloquent or otherwise. Nothing found its way to her tongue. Then, suddenly he relaxed once again and she didn't dare to move away from him, not wanting to break the moment._

"_I know your heart," he said as his hands once again began to caress the smooth skin of her back. _

_For once, she did not argue._

Screams of rage, noises she had not known she was capable of making, poured forth from her lungs. Pain, frustration, honor, logic these are the things that drove her for the moment. They needed every second she could buy to get as far away from this place as possible. They needed to find Inutaisho so they would be safe.

A drop of moisture fell onto her hand, but it was not raining and neither she nor her opponent had recently been struck so it was not blood. Putting a clawed hand up to her cheek, she felt the tears creating a trail down to her chin. Now that she knew what was happening, she could even smell the salt of them. 'And I told him not to cry,' she remembered, smiling grimly.

_The household was in a panic, people running all over the place, grabbing valuables and running out of the building to seek shelter from the coming menace. There was the heavy presence of an enormous dark youki upon them. Unfortunately, the master of the manor was not there to protect them. Inu no Taisho was not expected back till the next day. The massacre would be over by then._

_Knowing this, the lady of the house had ordered everyone to flee. The servants had been more than willing to follow her orders; the only problem lay with the two people before her. One was too afraid to go alone while the other simply refused to leave._

"_No! I won't leave you here!" the young inu-youkai said fiercely._

"_Please, come with us!" begged the human girl. _

"_You are wasting time! Both of you must leave immediately."_

_They had been arguing for the past ten minutes, no one wanted to give in. Finally, she could take it no more. Snarling angrily, she swiped Izayoi across the cheek, careful not to rake her claws against the tender flesh. _

"_You will take my son and leave this place now!"_

_With wide, frightened eyes that were filled to the brim with tears, the girl nodded. Beside her, Sesshoumaru was not so complacent._

"_I'm not going anywhere without you!" Tears began to form in his piercing gold eyes, eyes that were dark and hard. So much like her own. It pained her heart to realize that in that sense he was very much like her. _

_But there was no more time. Already, she could feel the presence of their intruder not two miles away, traveling at youkai speed he would be here in a few minutes. Grabbing her son by the shoulders roughly, she shook him twice._

"_You will not cry, Sesshoumaru! Tears are not for times such as these; only courage is. I never want to see you cry again, do you understand me?"_

_He sniffled and nodded, searching desperately for the future in his mother's eyes. But there was nothing there; her gaze was as void as always, always hiding things from him. Then, she did something strange. She embraced him._

"_Protect Izayoi and find your father. I will hold off our enemy long enough for you to be safely away from here."_

"_Yes, mother," he whispered, clinging to her kimono, never intending to let go. _

_But just as his father was a taiyoukai, so was his mother and with her superior strength she pushed her child from her. There were still tears forming a trail down his cheeks._

"_No more tears, Sesshoumaru."_

I'm not worth them. I never want to make you cry, it would have been better if you had never cared for me.

"_You are a Prince amongst demons and you must always act as such. You must always preserve your honor and pride," it was too painful to look at him now, and so she turned away._

"_Mother, no..."_

"_Sesshoumaru," she snarled, letting red bleed into her eyes, "I don't need you! Now leave."_

_And he did... he left. How easy it had been. Always, so easy to hurt those she cared about. It had always been so and why wouldn't it be? Youkai did not need to feel emotions, right?_

_With a heavy heart, she grabbed her katana and went out to find her opponent._

Were things so clear to everyone who was about to die? Did being on the brink of death make one suddenly enlightened to every fault they had? To every mistake made throughout their existence? She could not be sure.

However, there were certain things she was sure of at that moment. She was sure that when her opponent released his next wave of jyaki that she would not be able to block it. She was sure that with her body already so badly damaged that if she could not block the next attack, she would die. She was sure that even though she could see Inutaisho and could smell his rich, earthy scent that he would not make it in time to save her. She was also sure she saw tears in his eyes.

Ah, there it was. The sword came down in a beautiful arch. Before the wave of jyaki hit her, there was a gush of wind that stirred her hair-hair that was stained red from her own blood. But none of that mattered. As she watched her mate sprinting towards her she was sure of one final thing. She was sure that she loved him.

The young demon was filled with relief to see his mother still alive, though she was kneeling on the ground as if in defeat. Nevertheless, things would be okay now that his father was here. The great dog demon of the West would save her.

He waved, trying to get her attention, but her eyes were fixed onto his father. It all happened so slowly, as if it were a dream. His father rushing forward, sword drawn and screaming in an angry voice that filled the clearing. The falling sword of the youkai his mother had been fighting, the blue wave of demonic energy, the gore, it was all surreal to him. The first bloodshed he had seen in his young life; the blood of his mother. Her tattered body lay motionless on the ground.

Dead. She was dead. He did not notice the short battle that ended the life of his mother's murderer. He did not notice the sound of his father's voice. Did not even notice the tears, at least not until one struck his hand. Though he did not know it, he touched his own cheek in the same manner his mother had.

"Am I crying?" he said aloud. There was a clawed hand on his shoulder, shaking him from his thoughts. His father.

"You didn't save her," the young Sesshoumaru stated, his voice flat and accusing.

Looking up into the eyes of the older demon that he had idolized all his short life, Sesshoumaru saw tears there as well.

"I'm sorry," Inutaisho said.

The young demon felt numb. His father was sorry. He was now motherless, and his father was sorry. His father was crying and was sorry. His mother was dead-just a body on the dirty ground with no soul.

Taking a step back, out of his father's reach Sesshoumaru wiped the tears away with his kimono's sleeve. He thought briefly, of what his mother had told him.

"I mustn't cry," he said. And then, he walked away.

_**Owari**_

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